The fight-or-flight instinct is a primary and automatic response of the body when faced with a perceived threat or danger. This mechanism, deeply rooted in our biology, prepares the organism for one of two actions: to confront the danger (fight) or to escape it (flight).
When a person feels offended, this process can be triggered, even though the threat may not be physical but emotional or psychological. Feeling offended can be interpreted by the brain as a form of attack on the ego, identity, or self-esteem. Depending on the situation and the person’s personality, the response can vary between:
- Fight: The person may react aggressively, verbally or emotionally defending themselves against the offense. This can include responding with harsh words, raising their voice, or showing hostility, trying to “fight” the perceived threat to their emotional integrity.
- Flight: Alternatively, the person may withdraw, avoid confrontation, or distance themselves from the situation. This can include ignoring the offense, leaving the conversation, or even socially distancing themselves from the person who caused the offense, as a way to protect themselves from emotional harm.
These reactions are modern manifestations of the same fight-or-flight instinct that, in ancient times, protected our ancestors from physical threats. Today, in social and emotional interactions, this instinct can still arise when we feel our emotional safety is at risk.
Feeling offended can be an immature defense mechanism when the disproportionate emotional response prevents the individual from dealing with criticism or challenging situations in a constructive way. Instead of using feedback to reflect and grow, the person reacts defensively, shutting down dialogue and focusing on protecting their own ego. This demonstrates a difficulty in distinguishing between criticism and personal attacks, which may indicate an excessive dependence on external validation and underlying insecurity.
This emotional immaturity is also evident in how offense is used to avoid facing uncomfortable realities or internal insecurities. By constantly feeling offended, the individual adopts a victim mentality, which allows them to escape the responsibility of dealing with their own emotions and challenges. Rather than engaging in productive conversations that could lead to greater understanding and growth, the person withdraws, hindering both dialogue and personal development.
How to stop taking things personally : there are 3 steps
Clarity:
Don’t take offense personally, try to communicate assertively. DON’T BE REACTIVE! Calm down and shut your mouth. Try to get clarity by asking what the person meant
do not use the offensive defense mechanism !
Boundaries:
Limits are like a fence when ”your space ends where someone else’s begins”
A solid foundation of self-worth:
Building a solid foundation of self-esteem is crucial for avoiding constant feelings of offense or assuming the role of a victim. When a person has strong self-esteem, they develop an internal confidence that does not rely on the approval or validation of others. This allows them to face criticism and differing opinions more objectively, without interpreting them as personal attacks. With robust self-esteem, a person can maintain a sense of self-worth even in challenging situations, responding in a more balanced and constructive manner rather than reacting defensively or feeling threatened.
People who take things personally often exhibit insecurity because they tend to interpret criticism, comments, or even neutral situations as direct attacks on their identity or personal worth. This reaction reveals a fragility in their self-esteem, where any disagreement or differing opinion is perceived as a threat to their ego. Instead of maintaining an objective or balanced view, these individuals internalize interactions in an exaggerated way, which can indicate that they lack a solid foundation of self-confidence.
Additionally, this tendency to personalize situations reflects a constant need for external validation. When someone is secure in themselves, they can handle criticism or differing opinions without feeling that their worth is at stake. However, insecure people rely heavily on the approval of others to feel good about themselves. As a result, any comment that seems even slightly negative is seen as a confirmation of their own doubts and insecurities, leading them to react defensively or emotionally.
Don’t take things personally, DON’T rush into your responses, take a breath. Say something like “thanks for the feedback” or “can you say that again?” to save time. In the medium term, you will be able to communicate more assertively. In the long term, you have to be sure of who you are and know that you don’t need the approval of others.
